"So, if attraction is what brings people together, what is it that keeps us together? Is it hard work and dedication to a relationship or is it something less definable? What do you think? Does it all really come down to chemistry?
The good news and bad news about chemistry is that we'll never fully understand how it works. Every relationship is an experiment; you never know exactly what you'll get. Some people bring out a side of you that you didn't know you had. Some people remind you that your story isn't over. Some people surprise you. And once in a while, you surprise yourself. And, although all relationships require compromise, sometimes you get more, not less. And sometimes, you can't get more. Sometimes what you had is gone forever. And, although it's painful, you have to find the strength to go on, to keep searching for the love, for that one perfect ingredient. No matter how far or how deep you have to go to find it."
It hit me to the core that this is a big part of relationships... What makes them tick.. What makes them survive and what makes them ultimately fail?
Question #1: So, if attraction is what brings people together, what is it that keeps us together?
Oh the attraction process.... You can probably remember the first time you laid eyes on that person, the first date, the first kiss, the first time... It is the fun stages in the relationship.. Everything is wild and new and free... You have found someone who you find attractive and you sometimes pinch yourself and ask why in the world is this person interested in me? But the physical attraction and the newness will wear off... The physical attraction is the beginning but not the entire basis of the relatioship...
So what keeps us together? Man what really does? If I had to give my opinion it would be the shear belief in someone.. Believe that even when they make a mistake and hurt you, not nice to you, let you down... Deep down you have this overwhelming feeling of belief in that person and when times get hard you can quickly go back and remind yourself why you love/loved them in the first place and believe that they will not always be this way.. Allow yourself to remember the wonderful memories that you once shared can and could be again with a little effort from both sides... Most of the time one person stops believing and stops trying to believe... Belief to me is what keeps you going when the bad and ugly days of any relationship come and you must face them...
Question #2: Is it hard work and dedication to a relationship or is it something less definable? What do you think? Does it all really come down to chemistry?
Some people have said that if you have to work hard in a relationship then the bond is no longer there and why keep trying if it will just get back to this... I am a believer in hard work and dedication and commitment to the bond of love between two people not just lovers but friends, family, and anyone you are in a close relationship with. Each day will have it's own shares of trials, disappoints, and letdowns... It is inevitable that someone you love is going to let you down... They are going to fail you and fall short... But if you loved them and cared for them enough you can work through the tough times... But you have to have chemistry to work through the tough times.. You have to be uncomfortable and dig down deep and talk out what you really feel deep down and not be afraid to accept responsiblity when you are wrong and learn from it... And that is alot easier said than done... I believe that a relationship/marriage is the HARDEST job you ever take on in your life... Every single day presents a new memory, happiness or a challenge... Chemistry is a part of it but two people working together to achieve the same goals and happiness to me is the answer to this.
Question #3:
The good news and bad news about chemistry is that we'll never fully understand how it works. Every relationship is an experiment; you never know exactly what you'll get. Some people bring out a side of you that you didn't know you had. Some people remind you that your story isn't over. Some people surprise you.
Every relationship is an experiment... that is beyond a doubt the truth... Why do we take the chances to open our lives, hearts, and guards down and let someone else in? Because we want to find happiness and we want to share our lives with others... That is why God created "woman" in the first place... We are not designed to be alone.. We are designed to be in a relationship... A relationship can drive you crazy at times because we can and are so guarded with ourselves and to allow someone else to have a say in our lives can be a very uneasy feeling... Sometimes it is easier to retreat within ourselves and shut everyone out... But it can only be temporary because we are not designed to be that way. But it is very true that some people bring out the best and some people bring out the worst in you... When you experience that total bliss of having someone in your life that changes you and brings out all of the good in you it is wonderful... It is the most joyous experience in the world... Do you still fight the change? Heck yes and you always will and that is were communication and compromise come into play... You may not always get the answer you seek in it but you have to find common ground and common mutual respect on the things that matter most to the other person through talking it out and rehashing it..
Some people can break on mutual terms after years of being together and growing apart from one another... That person can become your coach and your friend again but that takes time and it take the healing process to run it's course if you decide to end the relationship... It does not happen often but it does happen...
Question # 4: Some people surprise...
OMG is this a statement... I dont know how many times I have been treated certain ways by people and just set back and said..."Holy crap" I NEVER thought this person was capable of this or capable of hurting me the way they have done...
Question #5: And once in a while, you surprise yourself.
No one ever knows how they are going to handle the letdown and the separation or how they keep making a relationship last and flourish when the times get hard... Sometimes you have to find yourself again and sometimes you have to remind yourself that this is the path you have chosen and whether to stay in the fight or throw in the towel... In each side of the situation you can come out on the other end a better and stronger person for having experienced it or it can teach you many valuable life lessons...
Question #6: And, although all relationships require compromise, sometimes you get more, not less. And sometimes, you can't get more. Sometimes what you had is gone forever.
This to me is alot of times a one-sided battle... You can either mutally agree that it is gone forever or one can feel that way... It is so strange and confusing when you are on the other end of things and can see what it could be or what the future could hold... It is hard... The hardest part is the separation phase of it all.... You have to make adjustments in your life because all of your comforts you have known for the amount of time you have been together will change. You will not have that person to confide in, share the things you once shared, be able to communicate openly, and be around that person... The hardest thing for me is how to refocus your life without that person... It should not be shameful to feel regret, remorse, neglected, lonely, sad... You basically are attending a funeral all by yourself with no one to comfort you... No one else knows what or how that person made you feel or what he or she did to bring you happiness or comfort...
You have to bury that person and almost act like you are morning a death... There are many stages of mourning... Greiving, anger, bitterness, forgiveness, and restoration... The hardest part is going through the forgiveness... You want to hold onto all of the hurt and pain and not let it go and you have to figure that out on your own and in your own time and own way... The hardest part is you know they are still there on the other end of a phone, a text message, or an email.. If you wanted you could still reach out to that person... So many times you will type a text and delete it, dial their number over and over again but not hit send... You long so hard to reach out to them but you know you cannot.. The hardest part is accepting the bold truth about the situation... The best song I ever heard is Red Light by David Nail... We have all been there and we can remember at the very moment all of the hope and dreams we had and shared with someone become reality and we know it is over... That is one of the hardest days of your life but it is part of the healing process....
Red Light: David Nail
So this is how it ends
This is where it all goes down
This is what "I don't love you" feels like
It ain't the middle of the night
And it ain't even raining outside
It ain't exactly what I had in mind
For goodbye
At a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday
Nothin' to say
Don't even try
Some are comin' home
Some are leavin' town
While my world's crashin' down
On a Sunday
In the sunshine
At a red light
I thought she was gunna say
Somethin' about that couple kissin'
Crossin' the street
Or somethin' about this beautiful day
But she just looked me in the eye
Said it's over
Didn't try to lie
Or pick a fight
I might have seen it comin' thata way
But at a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday
Nothin' to say
Don't even try
Some are comin home
Some are leavin town
While my world's crashin down
On a Sunday in the sunshine
At a red light
There's a momma calmin' down a little baby
In the backseat in front of me
There's an old man dressed in his Sunday vest
Just waitin' on green
But I can't see, gettin' past
This red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday
Nothin' to say
Don't even try
Some are comin home
Some are leavin town
While my world's crashin down
On a Sunday in the sunshine
(At a red light)
At a red light in the sunshine
On a Sunday
Nothin' to say
Don't even try
Some are comin home
Some are leavin town
While my world's crashin down
On a Sunday in the sunshine
At a red light (X4)
Question #7: And, although it's painful, you have to find the strength to go on, to keep searching for the love, for that one perfect ingredient. No matter how far or how deep you have to go to find it."
And this my friends is the HARDEST part of them all.... Is getting up the courage to let go and move on... For some it takes months, years, maybe never.... I think you always will and do carry the baggage from one relationship into the next.. You just have to always understand and be cautious to not be so quick to judge the next person... They are a different person with different outlooks on life and different morals... You have to be willing to accept that person and not hold them completely accountable for the failures in another relationship... Learn from what happened in the last one and fight to not let that same thing happen again in the next one... Accept that person soley on how they treat you and how they respect you... The hardest part is finding that person that is in the same healing process as you... Some people need someone else to help them through it and some people need time and time to reflect inside... Every person is different on how and when they decide it is time to pick up and carry on.... I have had friends that have exited a relationship and stayed alone for 6 months to a year and I have had some find happiness and comfort in someone after a few short months... But it all had to start and revolve around friendship and flourish from this area of it...
Love to me is worth the pain and anguish it can cause... It is a double edged blade because it can make you the happiest you have ever been in your life and it can push you to the deepest darkest hole you may ever feel... You dont want to sleep in your bed at night all alone, you dont want to eat dinner alone, you dont want to be alone.... Sometimes being alone is needed to bring peace and refocus. Everyone needs alone time and has to find that balance in a relationship to find it... But like I have said before we are drawn to relationships because at the very nature of our existense God intended us to be with someone... That is why in a marriage when the two become one... One flesh of body mind and spirit...
But each person defines happiness and contentment differently and two people may not always feel the same way in a relationship... It is hard work, dedication, and the will to percerviere any storm of life that the two face together... You have to let all outside influences from friends and family and even children in a divorced situation not let you detour your plans... You are the only person in this world that will make yourself happy.. No one else can tell you or help you find the balance... You have to want it everyday and want to work at it to make it last or eventually it will crumble and fall to pieces... A relationship and marriage is a constantly growing and evolving matter between two people... Something that can change in the blink of an eye.... I will find that eternal bliss and love one day... I just have to keep pushing forward and allowing myself to be vulnerable and hold out hope for tomorrow.... Each day brings it own new set of challenges and you have to take them all one day at a time.... Why worry about tomorrow when today has enough troubles of there own....
Good luck and thanks for reading....
